South Dakota Farm Wife

Stories of a first generation farmwife...

IVF: We Have a Love/Hate Relationship (Part 6)

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In case you are just joining in on our fertility journey see my previous posts for the entire story!


I left off the last time how we had 7 embryos that we sent off for further testing, to hopefully give us some answers!
Well, while we waited I started up on birth control again to get my body ready to implant an embryo. Which means a whole new regimen of medicine and a whole new slew of side effects. 
At my baseline appointment, which is basically for the doctor to get a starting point of my blood work and also what my uterus looks like, I also had a chance to finally sit down with the geneticist and discuss what our embryo’s test results looked like. 
Which is so very fascinating to me. I have had some genetics courses in college so it was pretty simple for me to understand all the terms, but still so far above me that someone can look at each embryo at the molecular level and tell us what exactly is wrong. 
We had three embryos that tested perfectly normal, which is amazing! And a really great number to have!
Our other embryos tested abnormal or no result. Now the one that tested no result means that they just weren’t able to determine if the embryo is normal or abnormal.
The other embryos that tested abnormal were missing some of their DNA. I was able to look at a chart of a DNA strand and see exactly what chromosome was abnormal, meaning part of that chromosome was missing. When things like that happen that is when birth defects are most prominent- if the embryo survives to a live birth. 

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/11/what-dna-actually-looks-like/265713/

We were told that if those embryos had been implanted there is a chance we could have had a late term miscarriage or had a baby with severe birth defects. However, miscarriages tend to happen because our bodies are trying to tell us that something is not normal with the embryo, so our chances of miscarriage would have been very high. 
So, out of our seven we have our three normal embryos sitting and waiting for us, just five or six days old. Well, waiting for my body to get ready for them. 
Oh, and I also know how many are boys and how many are girls. Yep, you definitely read that right. They are able to tell us what sex the embryos are. Well, they told me, my farmer doesn’t want to know. So, I won’t tell him. At first I wondered if it was even morally right for me know. But, after everything my body has gone through I needed something positive, and I tell you what, I was on that high for at least two days. The high of knowing we have three healthy embryos and knowing the possibility of what our family could look like. 
Oh, and I can also pick which embryo I want implanted. So, essentially I could choose the sex of our next child…
Isn’t that absolutely crazy? Where science is today? 
Because we chose to have further testing on the embryos our geneticists tells us that our chances of having a baby at the end of this process are even higher. And that is another thing that is so positive and so heart warming and definitely kept my mood at bay for a few days as well. 
Because these new meds I am on? Ohhhhh goodness. 
I am pretty sure that the things that are being said in my head should never be uttered out loud. Ever. And I know that, and I have sheltered myself from most people because I don’t want my negativity rubbing off on them, or for me to say something irrational. Or mean. Or hateful. So, if I haven’t reached out to you in awhile…its because I am the worst company ever. 
But, it has really meant a lot to me when people reach out to me. So, thank you. Because those are bright spots in my day. 
Other than being the crabbiest person in our house right now, I am also gaining weight quicker than our two year old, who can nearly out eat me. It is seriously the most depressing thing in the world to get on the scale twice a week at the doctor’s office and just watch the numbers go up. I am doing my best to keep thinking of the end result, but it really sucks gaining weight and there not even be a good reason yet. 
So, crabbier and getting fatter….both are totally normal and my wonderful doctor tells me that unfortunately this is the hardest stage of the IVF process for most, and some women make it to this point and decide they just can’t do it anymore and quit. 
She asked me how I was feeling about moving forward. And there is no way I can stop. I see an end date in site. I see three embryos perfectly normal. And I see our family growing. 
So, for now I will keep up my prayers and will focus on His love and what he has planned for our family. Because even though He has blessed us with three normal embryos, he may not intend for our family to grow at all. And that is okay too. Because he did bless us with our adorable little girl who everyday makes me thank the Lord for making me her Mommy.

Read On For Part 7
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Comments

  1. Good luck with all this! We are trying for another baby too, taking a while, I just found this product called Pre-Seed that helps with trying to have a baby. I get real sad when my period comes every month, but my mom in law says he will come on his time, not mine (the baby). Im sending baby vibes your way!

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  2. I’m rooting for you all the way and have read every part of your journey so far. We had a hard time conceiving our daughter, and I went through every emotion — mostly being angry and depressed. We were at an adoption meeting when we found out we were pregnant, so it must have been God’s timing and not our own when it was right for us to have a baby.

    To Sunnie, PreSeed does work! 😉

    And about the weight gain, I went through that too, and during my pregnancy, I just decided not to look at the scale at all. I faced away from it each time and told the nurses to let me know if my weight became a problem. Maybe that would be a good idea for you, too. I mean, why stress over a number you can’t control right now?

    All the best and lots of hugs!

    -Amanda

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    • What a wonderful suggestions Amanda! I stopped looking at the scale the day I read this! And you are right, why stress over a number that I can’t do anything about! Thank you for your kind words and following along with our story…Congratulations on God’s wonderful timing for you!

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  3. I forgot to add that I have really positive feelings for you! You’re one step closer to having that baby in your arms! All of this struggle will be worth it in the end, or the new beginning, I should say! 🙂 Keep your chin up! <3 — Amanda

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